It's Not Your Fault
Why did you look forward to being pregnant?
What were your hopes and dreams?
At what point did you
lower your expectations?
It's not your fault that pregnancy is hard.
Society makes pregnancy hard, because society doesn't give self care options for pregnant mamas other than what lotions, baths, and oils can be on your skin. Society doesn't do a good job at valuing women for anything other than her body. This is why society's version of self care is just body care. The focus is on all things body.
A pregnant mama will end up with appointment whip lash if she's not careful
peeing in a cup,
....more peeing in a cup,
These are all great things to care of your body, but what about the rest of you? Pregnant women are more than walking uteruses.
Don't get me wrong, yes taking care of our bodies during pregnancy is necessarily, absolutely. Taking care of our pregnant bodies is important during pregnancy. We love and care about our babies. We even get horrified when we find out that so many prenatal vitamins have lead in them, and we've been swallowing one of them every day. Then we are relieved when our morning sickness gets way better after we change vitamins. It’s amazing what improves when we aren’t swallowing toxic metals. You and other mamas like you are doing your very best, one choice at a time, in a society that doesn’t make it easy. Pregnancy and postpartum are hard enough, but add an unsupportive society and
Pregnancy becomes way more stressful.
Moms can't wait around for society to get its act together.
Moms have needs right now, and a pregnant mama is getting ready to take care of a new baby.
One of the things that makes postpartum time so demanding is meeting all of baby’s needs.
If a mom doesn’t have easy ways to get her needs met now,
don't assume she’ll have an easy time meeting baby’s needs
immediately after she pushes baby out.
The first time to start trying self care is not postpartum time.
That’s setting yourself up for struggle and suffering.
Don’t expect be good at something the first time you try it.
Think about when a baby learns to walk. It takes practice to get walking, because the muscles don't instantly do the walking just because it's time to walk. The muscles need to learn how to walk. The same is true for self care.
Practice self care now. Surround yourself with people who support your self care needs being met.
Society gives support to other people, when society values them that is...
High schoolers are given prep classes and guidance counselors before going to college. Often with financial aid, grants and tutors, they're getting ready for a new stage of life after all.
Why does society not give moms self care classes and life coaches before going to birth? Usually just prescriptions and physical self care, they're getting ready for a new stage of life after all.
Society takes advantage of a moms. Mom's are an easy target. Moms are willing to sacrifice, work hard, and love their kids while they're at it. Society just expects moms to sacrifice, work hard, and keep quiet about their needs. That's why society doesn't offer self care support to moms. So no wonder most mamas today don’t talk about self care during pregnancy. Society doesn't shine a spotlight on self care. Society isn’t giving self care support to mamas because it's work.
If you’re like most mamas your OB isn’t asking about your self care, let alone even giving you prescriptions, recommendations, classes or recourses for your self care.
Your insurance company doesn't say self care is preventative.
Banks aren't giving perks or rewards for pregnant women who use self care.
Is the government giving tax credits to pregnant moms who learn self care skills?
Not at all
Pee on a stick
Get the blood work
Shine the spot light on her body and forget about her other needs. Her emotional, relationship, intellectual, creativity, and spiritual needs. No Self Care for those things when you're pregnant in this society.
This doesn’t happen automatically in society
The depression survey gets passed out. It's needed, important, but not enough. The type of support society gives needs to be wide open to all mamas. There is no self care screening during pregnancy. There’s not even one postpartum. Society is only willing to help a woman in a tough situation. And society has decided that postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety are tough enough to get attention. If you're lucky the hospital will send you home with a lasagna. Hope your newborn baby can tolerate dairy and gluten in your breastmilk. Did the lactation consultant give you a heads up about that? Having a baby with an upset tummy is exhausting and stressful. Hearing a baby's cry is stressful to mamas. Do you wonder what your milk production will be like when you're confused, stressed and exhausted?
Women give so much to this world.
Moms in particular.
Moms face the biggest obstacles in society.
Especially nursing moms and pregnant moms.
Moms deserve to be supported and loved for no reason other than that they matter, and they matter just because they do.
No wonder so many mamas struggle to get the self care they need because society tells them that they're only as good as what they do for other people.
There is a deeper need not being met here.
Behind every pregnant mama is a woman with needs.
If you haven’t been enjoying your pregnancy yet, there’s nothing wrong with you or your pregnancy. Society just makes being pregnant harder than it needs to be.
It doesn't have to be that way for you.
You can enjoy your pregnancy.
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